The Importance of the Family Dinner
My kids and I often joke about some of our “quick” meals that we used to have when they were growing up. There was a Friday pizza ritual and usually one run every week or two to Burger King or Taco Bell.
I cringe when I think back to some of our earlier eating habits. Like many parents, I was a working mom who was short on time.
We did indulge in homemade food as well, like tacos, chicken, burgers, and other somewhat healthy dinners that I knew my kids would eat.
I’ll never forget the morning I decided to make pancakes and one of my children wanted waffles. Most mornings I wouldn’t have indulged them, but that morning I made both.
While sometimes the food could have been healthier, I do have beautiful memories of our time around the dinner table. I enjoyed hearing about my children’s day. I also learned a lot about what was going on in school and what was bothering them.
If only that kitchen table could talk and remind me of those fun days watching my children grow up.
As a child, I always sat down for family dinners with my parents. It was a ritual I wanted in my family, as well. I felt disconnected from my kids if I had not shared at least one meal with them each day.
These days recitals, evening jobs, and meetings, after school activities and business trips, can create challenges.
All this interference can lead to the extinction of the family mealtime. It’s likely to make sitting down together at family meals challenging, low on the list of priorities, and hard to make it a reality. But studies have shown that regular family dinners help children get better grades, stay away from drugs, and become more successful.
“One of the simplest and most effective ways for parents to be engaged in their teens’ lives is by having frequent family dinners,” says Joseph Califano Jr.
“I am convinced it is the single greatest thing you can do for the health and happiness of your family.” — Jason Kotecki
Between work schedules and your children’s activities, it can sometimes feel like a near impossibility. Family dinners, though, can help your family stay connected.
Studies show that children who sit down to frequent family dinners are better adjusted. They are less likely to drink or smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, suffer from depression, or develop eating disorders.
They also have larger vocabularies, better manners, higher self-esteem, and more resilience.
A study out of the University of Michigan found that the number of mealtimes children share with their families at home was the single most reliable predictor of high academic achievement.
You can relieve many of your parental concerns by sitting down to a regular family dinner.
President George W. Bush stressed the importance of regular family dinners. He made a public service announcement in support of Family Day in 2007 with his mother, Barbara Bush.
“I call upon the people of the United States to observe this day by engaging in activities that strengthen the bonds between parents and children.”
President Obama weighed in during his 2010 Family proclamation:
“Simple daily activities such as sharing a meal, a conversation, or a book can have an enormous impact on the life of a child. Strong and engaged families help build a strong America, and it is our responsibility as concerned family members to discuss the dangers of substance abuse.”
Jamie Lee Curtis, among others, has also taken up the family dinner cause.
“Creating this ritual where you turn off the TV, ignore the phone, and just spend quality time together is crucial to helping your children feel emotional, spiritually, and mentally balanced. We all can generate a list of reasons why we cannot possibly fit dinner with the family into our schedule. The time has come to say enough with the excuses and just do it. Trust me. It means more to your kids’ futures than you think. If I can find the time to have meals with my family, so can you.”
Family Day — Making Everyday Special was launched in 2001 by The Center on Addiction. Family Day is a national movement that reminds parents that frequent family dinners are a useful tool to help keep your child substance-free.
According to the Family Day website, “It’s vital to act early. If your kids aren’t used to talking to you about their day when they are 8 or 10, it’s harder to start at 12–14.”
Here are seven reasons why having a warm, open relationship with children is essential:
- Better judgment
- Increased self-control
- Improved school performance
- Better emotional regulation
- More resilience
- Self-confidence
- Less likely to engage in substance use
The more often kids eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink, or use drugs.
Scheduling is often an issue when both parents work. Children are often involved with sports or theater activities which can interfere. Cell phones and texting are a source of interruption.
When schedules prohibit a regular dinner time meal, consider family breakfast. You could also schedule dinner at an earlier time to meet the needs of your family. Flexibility is the key.
Come together as often as you can whenever you have the time. Try eating dinner together one night a week if that is all that is possible. Another option is to have a snack in the evening together as a family. Consider the weekends if the weekdays are too busy.
Here are five reasons why regular family dinner is essential.
1. It can relieve stress. A study from Brigham Young University found that sitting down to a family dinner helped families. It lowers the tension from long work hours for working moms. A family dinner can be the perfect time to reconnect.
2. Your kids may eat more veggies. Children tend to eat more fruit and vegetables and less junk food when they sit down to a family dinner. We all have days when we are rushing. The more you can plan out healthy meals, the better for your child’s growing body.
3. It is the perfect opportunity to share new foods. Don’t insist that your child eat what is on their plate. Instead, expose them to fresh foods. Allow them to try them. It will teach them to enjoy a variety of healthy fruits and vegetables.
4. A regular family dinner reduces a child’s chance of smoking, drinking, and using drugs. Substance use can affect any family. Interacting with your children at the dinner table is one more way to help prevent substance use. You can engage with your child and have a better opportunity to check-in and see how they are doing.
5. Family dinners help your child’s grades. It is a great time for conversation and the perfect opportunity to build your child’s vocabulary. Talk with them and allow them to listen to adults talk to each other.
Finally, according to The Center on Addiction, compared to kids who have fewer than three family dinners per week, children and teens who have frequent family dinners are:
- A 70% lower risk for substance use
- Half as likely to try cigarettes
- Half as likely to be daily cigarette smokers
- Less use of marijuana
- Less likely to drink alcohol
- One third less likely to try alcohol
- Get better grades in school
- Less likely to have friends who drink alcohol & use marijuana
- More likely to become parents who take responsibility
As with anything, family dinners are not a guarantee against substance use. It is, yet, one more tool in your kit to help your child make healthy choices and have a successful life.
When your children are adults like mine are, you will enjoy reminiscing over the family dinner conversations. The time you have with your children is short.
If you have to get take-out food as I did, once in a while, do it. Just don’t skip the meaningful ritual of sitting around the table together as a family. One slight change in a habit can have many positive outcomes.
